Born to Die

Life was uncomplicated when I was young. If we did not have something, there was no fear of missing out. If we did have something, it was ours to enjoy, cherish and safeguard. For ever.

We never threw away a toy, a watch, a radio set or any other possession merely because it became old, or a newer model was available. If something did not work properly, we fixed it. If it broke, we repaired it. We were expected to value everything till the end of time. Thus, if the strap of a chappal broke, we changed the strap. If a pen stopped working, the ink cartridge was changed. One bag saw me through seven years of schooling, with no more than three trips to the cobbler for repairs when it got torn.

Most products lasted for years and years and sometimes even generations. Long ago, my mother owned a pair of scissors on which was etched, in Urdu, the legend ‘Dada Kharide, Pota Barte’. Translated, it meant that the scissors were good enough to last for three generations or more. In that age and time, any person who had the impudence to suggest that his product had an expiry date, or worse that obsolescence was built into it, would be called a swindler and a crook. Today, we are inured to the manufacturers of expensive telephones informing us matter-of-factly that their product will stop working after a certain date. Imagine the outrage if one fine morning the Rolex company were to declare that all their watch models older than five years would stop working from next Monday!      

For families on the cusp of the middle-middle and upper-middle classes, cars were the ultimate validation of the belief that every effort must be made to repair something before it was junked.  Middle Class car owners in Delhi knew that corner shop in Bhogal which specialised in retreading tyres. Chunnu Mian, who ran his poky little workshop behind the Jama Masjid, could refurbish any broken shock absorber. And the Janata Batterywala in the lane behind Moti Cinema in Chandni Chowk sold the best reconditioned batteries this side of the Khyber Pass. The Gen Y and Z shall never exult in that rush of dopamine when a dead engine comes to life after you, your brother and the neighbourhood chowkidar push-start the car on a wintry morning. No one will talk to these generations knowledgeably about ‘reboring’ the engine, about oversized pistons, about universal cross joints or about the use of soap solution as brake fluid –  because they replace the old car before it is not even half old.  

When life was uncomplicated, refrigerators, air conditioners and scooters were once-in-a-lifetime purchases, the same as cars. Appliances such as sewing machines, ovens, irons and washing machines lasted for years and years and were called ‘consumer durables’. We had a table fan at home when I was a child which, years later, I took to my college hostel. Had some burglar not stolen it, I would probably still be using it today, sixty years on. Even items with a defined lifespan lasted longer than they were supposed to. Wall calendars lived beyond the years – as covers of books, framed as pictures or pasted on windowpanes to block the sun. 

Sadly, nowadays things are born only to die. It is no longer a question whether something will die. It is a question of when. To increase sales, manufacturers deliberately shorten the lives of their products. Sometimes these become obsolete with the arrival of newer models and sometimes due to nonavailability of key components. Consumer durables no longer endure. Television sets and microwave ovens self-destruct almost immediately after the expiry of their two-year warranty, and appliances like vacuum cleaners and geysers refuse to abide with us. Clothes that were deliberately stitched a size too big so that a child would wear them for two or three years are now discarded in a few months because of changing pret lines.  Earlier we ate anything that was not visibly spoilt or smelling to the high heavens. Now we look for a best before date. Even honey is marketed with a shelf life of one year, and salt comes with an expiry date!

The plumbers of today junk a whole faucet fitting if it leaks, rather than trying to repair it. In contrast, their fathers used cotton thread and zinc oxide paste before sheepishly suggesting that a new tap be bought. Not to be left behind, the electricians now visit our homes as if they are senior consultants rather than maintenance guys. They grandly announce the fate of various things – every fitting or appliance that might be defective is sentenced to death, to be replaced with a new one. The modular concept ensures that no effort is ever made to repair any electrical or electronic gizmo.

We certainly live in an evanescent age now, in which nothing lasts. This age demands that everything old must be discarded, to be replaced by the new. This philosophy has been gradually extended to all spheres of our existence. Pens. Watches. Shoes. Jackets. Tables. Computers. Cars. Houses. Maybe even relationships? 

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

“Darling,” I said to my life companion of more years than I care to remember, “Do you think there is any correlation between pain in the feet and attending prayer meetings?”

“You really are a stupid old man!” said the light of my life. “Can’t you think of anything more bizarre so late at night?”

I kept quiet. If the wife calls you a stupid old man, it is futile to expect sympathy. But my feet had been killing me ever since I attended the prayer meeting that evening. After the missus switched the lights off, I surreptitiously massaged my toes. Next morning, my feet started hurting almost as soon as I slipped my shoes on.

In my slim and trim days, I had always believed that a civilised person should never wear anything other than Oxfords, with five eyelets for laces. Unfortunately, time, a bad back and doctor’s advice not to bend forwards destroy such arrogant beliefs. Perforce, I have had to change from Oxfords to moccasins, which I slip into easily without needing to bend down to tie laces. This is just as well because, with my waistline, I can’t see my feet no matter how hard I try.

The pain in my toes increased after breakfast, so I phoned my doctor.

“Are the shoes new?” he asked.

“Yes, they are,” I said, “But I’ve been wearing them now for more than a week without any problems.” The doc asked me to check if there was any swelling in my feet. “Some of your BP medication can do that, you know.”

I ponderously sank into a chair and stretched my legs out. As far as I could make out, there was no swelling, but I certainly needed a pedicure. Unthinkingly, I said to the doctor, “My feet are not swollen, but I need a pedicure.”

“What? What did you say?”

“Oh, nothing doc.”

For the rest of the day, I limped around, but by evening the pain was worse. At dinner, I conversationally told the missus that I was probably dying in instalments, starting with the toes, but her attention was focused on a gravy stain on the tablecloth. Wives are like that—always more concerned about damned spots than husbands. (Ask Macbeth!)

Without further complaint, I went to bed with my painful feet. As I tossed and turned sleeplessly, I reasoned that either my feet were swelling or the shoes were shrinking. The swelling had been ruled out, ergo the shoes must be shrinking! I remembered that the salesman had said that expensive leather shoes gradually ‘grow’ to fit better. I decided to speed up the process, so at about two in the morning, I got up, wore the moccasins and crawled back into bed. In the morning, the missus saw the muddy streaks on the sheets and screamed at me nonstop for an hour. Wives are like that—always more concerned about dirty linen than husbands. (Ask Macbeth!)

I then turned to the two acknowledged ‘Vishwa Gurus’—Google and YouTube! I had no idea there was a global tight-shoe epidemic! Why else would there be so many videos demonstrating remedies for shoe enlargement? The commonest was something called a ‘shoe-stretcher’, but it cost much more than my moccasins. I tried other prescriptions, including polishing with peanut butter, applying quinoa paste and spraying cider vinegar, touted to be an all-purpose nostrum. I hung the shoes on a Neem tree. I left them out in the moonlight. I left them out in the sun. Nothing worked!

I then chanced upon an excellent treatment—A YouTuber inserted balloons filled with water in the shoes and placed them in the freezer of his fridge. Voila! The water expanded on freezing and stretched the shoe leather! I followed the demo meticulously, but two things went wrong. First—one balloon leaked, making the inside of the left shoe a soggy mess. And second—the wife discovered the shoes in the freezer! With a scream, she threw them out and spent the rest of the day ‘purifying’ the fridge. Quite wisely, I went for a long, long walk.

Finally, I decided to discard the almost new shoes. I took them to Pooranmal, the cobbler who sits on the pavement near our home. Rather than throw my old shoes away, I usually give them to him, and, after essential repairs, he gives them away to some needy person.

“But these are almost new, sahib,” observed Pooranmal.

“They are too tight. I can’t wear them,” I said sadly.

“But these aren’t yours! They are size 7. You wear size 8.”

I was taken aback. Size 7? I always bought size 8, so how could these be size 7? The only explanation was that my shoes must have got exchanged with someone else’s at the prayer meeting! Sorrowfully, I gave the almost new moccasins to Pooranmal and wended my way home. The only consolation that I have is that somewhere in the city there is some miserable sod like me, clumping around in shoes one size too big for him, believing that he is dying in instalments, starting with the shrinking of his feet.

(THE WEEK – 02/02/2025)